The CIA acquired data from a laptop discovered in a Gaza tunnel revealing that funnyman-turned-thespian Jonah Hill was voted by Hamas to be “The Sexiest Person Alive” for a third straight year.
The secret ballot confirmed that the portly actor (known for portraying a masturbating party-goer in The Wolf of Wall Street) was the terrorist group’s unanimous choice. Coincidentally, he just enjoyed the same distinction by 25-and-under members of the Wisconsin Tea Party. These statistics were listed publicly under the “Interests” section of like-minded Republicans.
Hill added his Middle-East distinction of his IMDb page.
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